The Lemon Ambush

Is it really July 7^th already? I’m not sure where time goes, but it sure seems to go fast, yet slow all at the same time. It has been 10 weeks since I lost my husband, 3 other wives also lost their husbands, and 4 children lost their daddy.  When I think of the reality of this tragedy, I still think it’s just a dream. 

Since my first blog was published, another life altering event has taken place, but on a more positive note. On July 1, 2014 I passed my national boards and am officially a CRNA (and never studying again)!  The overwhelming support I received after “My Rock Bottom” gave me an incredible amount of motivation to begin my studying again. That and I felt this HUGE weight lifted off my shoulders when everyone learned of our story. You see there was a lot of speculation about me being pregnant after DJ was killed. If you knew my husband, you knew he was ready for kids of his own (as was I) long before he even met me! So there was hope. Hope that I was pregnant and we would all get our piece of heaven on earth with a little (big) DJ Fischer running around town. I truly believe that if my husband were still alive I would be nearly 14 weeks pregnant today. But as someone told me in one of my hundreds of messages I received after my first blog post, “This isn’t the way life was supposed to be, but it’s the way life is.”  So I’m coping. I’m not ok. None of this is “ok.” But I am coping.  

After I passed my boards, my sisters and I were talking over a much-needed margarita. One of my sisters looked at me and said, “You know how when God hands you lemons you’re supposed to make lemonade? Well I feel like God has been chucking lemons at you.” Yes. Yes I agree. I feel like those lemons have been chucked at my head to be honest. My other sister chimed in at this point and said, “Well I hope the lemon ambush is over for you.” I couldn’t agree more! I went through an anger phase {You do go through all phases of grief. Even if you try your hardest to avoid them, you are defeated. And you go through them all multiples times. Sometimes multiple times a day} the week after DJ’s funeral and I was mad at everything from cows, to wind turbines (still dislike them to this day), to airplanes, to you name it. BUT, I was never mad at the big man upstairs. Maybe one day I will I be, but for now, as long as the lemon ambush stops, we’re good :)

Life as of lately has been busy. I spent around 10-12 days prepping for boards, which meant shutting out the world essentially. But in that time I did allow myself to meet with some high school friends for dinner the weekend of our 10-year class reunion and I was able to get together with all of my college girlfriends for a night out. Since passing boards, I have been surrounded by friends and family- enjoying summer days & nights and reminiscing my beloved husband. I spent 4^th of July weekend with all of DJ’s family camping out at the river. I even tented it by myself for 2 nights!  The funny thing is, though, I didn’t even know we owned a tent. So my brother-in-law calls me just as I’m leaving town and tells me to grab this tent and he will set it up for me. My response was “Umm we have a tent?” AND if we do own a tent, where the heck is it? He, of course, could direct me to right where it was sitting in our garage. I learn new things everyday! And am so thankful for the best sibling-in-laws!

Thank you for all of your continued love, support, and prayers. I couldn’t do this crazy life without all of you lifting me up and giving me hope for the future and prayers of peace from the past. Someday, I will be able to make lemonade again.

Until next time…

Megan

Love my nephew Nash Maverick

 Celebrating DJ's favorite holiday! 

                                                                               

Sunset swimming with some of the best friends!

Fireworks on the river with Mr. Monroe Kraft